Listen/Download The Detector (very rough demo)

Verse:
black boxes with flashing lights
alarm bells, L.C.D.s and G-P-S
dialing in your location, tuning in your frequencies
super high tech LED machines
2ndpart:
you’re like lactose – shelfish – and nuts –
I get all itchy and my throat swells shut
I feel much better when I don’t lay eyes on you

Chorus:
(I got a) bull shit [detector] asshole [detector]
(I got a) idiot [detector] and I’m coming after you…

(I got a) shit head [detector] pompous git [Detector]
I got your number and I’m doing what I can to avoid you

Verse:
driving around in a big white van
tinted windows and an extra man
tranq guns tracking beacons
[cold pizza and beer]

Meta-verse:
gonna study you moving around
gonna see where you hang in town
gonna put an end to you,
your friends, and your game

-call response guitar solo reprise of main riff-

Verse (slight return):
the bells are ringing and the lights all flash
the detector’s humming and I’m getting a rash
science finally made a day
when I can stay out of your way uh-hun-ha

Chorus:
(I got a) fuck head [detector],
dirt bag [detector]
(I got a) dill hole [detector]…
.. and I’m coming after you…

(I got a) jerk off [detector]
douche bag [Detector],…
and I finally got a way to avoid you.

fades out all sing:
[jerk ass detector, scum bag detector, needy sponge detector ] bla bla bla bla
[self centered detector, black hole detector, poison pen detector] ya da yada ya

I thought she was good like me
Didn’t know she was bad like him
I thought it was another country
Didn’t know it was the land of sin

I thought she was 007
Didn’t know she was 666
I thought she was a gift from heaven
Didn’t know she swam the river Styx

Chorus

She’s a spy
a spy
a spy for the devil X2
She keeps an evil eye on me!

I thought I had her under control
Didn’t know she was fast and loose
I thought I had her heart and soul
Didn’t know she was a devil duece

I thought it was a road trip
Didn’t know she was going to Hell
I thought it was a spaceship
Didn’t know I didn’t know her too well

Chorus

She said..put on your horn swoggles and put on your beer goggles
Pick up the fiddle stick and hold on to your nit pick

You’re going down, going down, down to the dungeon!
You’re going down, going down, down to the dungeon!

Strap on your blood muffler and plug in your bag duffler
Swallow what the goat guzzled and scream what the master muzzled

You’re going down, going down, down to the dungeon!
You’re going down, going down, down to the dungeon!

(Down in the dungeon we are good people)

I’m gonna be Hungover and pregnant

If I’m gonna have morning sickness, I’m gonna do it right
I’m gonna rip it up tonight I’m gonna get tight
What happened last night, I hope the baby knows
I hope it still has ten fingers and ten toes
Two for ones are really two for twos
And there’s only one way to chase away the blues

I’m gonna be hungover and pregnant

Marlboro red box Corona with a lime
I know the baby likes it cuz it’s kickin overtime
Some people drink alone but I never do
I’ve always got my drinkin buddy right inside my womb
He’s a chip off the block and a good time Charlie
Tomorrow morning we’ll be feeling pretty gnarly

We’re gonna be hungover and pregnant

Lyrics:

I got duties. I’m gonna shirk.
I’m a duty shirker. I’m gonna shirk my duties tonight.
My succotash, well, it’s suffering.
And right before I crash, I’ll need some bufferin

C’mon girl. Take it easy with me.
C’mon girl. You been working too hard.

I’m a duty shirker. I’m a duty shirker.
I shirk my duties all night long.

I’m built for comfort not for speed, guitar.

I’m built for viewing not for doing, guitar.

I don’t have a list of jobs to do
What I have is a list of jobs to poo poo
I like to shirk ‘em. Don’t like to work ‘em!
I like to shirk ‘em. Don’t like to work ‘em!
C’mon girl. Take a load off.
C’mon girl. Let your muscles go soft.

I’m a duty shirker. I’m a duty shirker.
I shirk my duties all night long.

The Relish Gods are angry tonight
My avacado’s burning and my celery’s tight
The King Of Pickles is giving you a thrill
His jar of mason is filling up with dill

Relish my pickle, relish my pickle, relish my pickle
and tickle the dill

I hope it don’t trickle when you tickle my pickle
And I hope you ain’t fickle cuz I look like Don Rickles
Relish my pickle!

Celery sailors in the green sunshine
Wash ashore in a sea of brine
Pickled mermaids just having fun
Fix their hair in a cucumber bun

Relish my pickle, relish my pickle, relish my pickle
and tickle the dill

The Relish Gods are angry tonight
My avacado’s burning and my celery’s tight
The Relish Gods are angry tonight

You’re gonna cry, you’re gonna weep.
Your eyes are gonna burn when ya go to sleep.
I’ll be seein’ red when you look at me.
And don’t expect any sympathy.

I’m gonna rock your face with mace!
I’m gonna rock your face with mace!
I’m gonna rock your face with mace!
So you can’t see!

Bloodshot, no. You’re not stoned.
The whites of your eyes are magenta toned.
Not pepper from the pantry, pepper from the can.
When we were face to face, you should have ran.

break

I’m gonna rock your face with mace!
I’m gonna rock your face with mace!
I’m gonna rock your face with mace!
So you can’t see!

You’re gonna cry, you’re gonna weep.
Your eyes are gonna burn when ya go to sleep.
I’ll be seein’ red when you look at me.
And don’t expect any sympathy.

Rock Your Face!

Chilidogs, cheeseburgers, cherry pie, and bread
Two of each, please, you heard what I said
Give them to me now, I can’t wait ’til later
Look at that girl, do you know why I hate her
She’s very, very pretty, and I’m an ugly man
Big in the belly and fat in the can

Ice cream, candy bars, licourice and cheese
You heard what I said, two of each, please
I can’t wait ’til later, so give them to me now
Why drink the milk when you can have a whole cow
If pretty girls don’t like me, they can kiss my ass
I drink lots of beer and I smoke lots of grass

Arabs turn to liquid, Egyptians hard as rock
The surgery is over, it’s the last tick tock
Mockingbirds fall from the sky
The eagle soars high
Alaskan folk songs, the Eskimo lie

I learned this on the road, the road belongs to Bill
The master of travel, the master of gravel

House of God opens at dawn
When doves cry in pain
The sobering wine bottle
The webs in your brain
Great white hunter, eats his words
I feed them to him

I learned this on the road, the road belongs to Bill
The master of travel, the master of gravel

I walked along the road, the road belongs to Bill
The master of tar, the master of my car

Junebugs, spiders, and mosquitos
Mix ‘em up in a bag of cheetos

Outhouse Potty Champ, tear the woods apart!

Fill your belly with mozzarella
Now you are a happy fella

Outhouse Potty Champ, tear the woods apart!

Find a penny, pick it up
Or leave it there, who gives a fuck

Outhouse Potty Champ, tear the woods apart!

Earwax, toe jam, take a crap
Dancing naked, except for a cap

Ain’t gonna leave a crumb, not a single bit of crust
Ain’t gonna walk away hungry, satisfaction is a must
Pizza Party, Pizza Party, party hearty with the pizza pie

Are you gonna eat alone, or eat it with a friend?
You better make a choice, cuz the size of pie, it does depend
Pizza Party, Pizza Party, party hearty with the pizza pie

I like pepperoni, you like extra cheese
I like Granpa Tony’s, you like Ginelli’s
Pizza Party, Pizza Party, party hearty with the pizza pie

Cheesy disposition, Meaty conversation
Saucy innuendo, traditional celebration

Pizza Party, Pizza Party, party hearty with the pizza pie

Your in the UFO logbook, baby!

Implantation and anal probation.
Got plans for you and there ain’t no salvation.
You’re going up in the sky to take a naughty nap.
They’ll be diggin’ deep inside just to find a piece of crap.
You say Alf wouldn’t do this and either would ET
But they’re trollin’ the galaxy just lookin’ for feces.

You’re in the UFO logbook, baby!
Enter the log!